Strays
by YankeeGirl28
Summary: "What's in your quiver, Barton? And don't get cute." Rated for language.
1. Chapter 1

_**Well...this is another unexpected fic. Enjoy! **_

**_Spoilers: Not really. Just for Avengers. But, if you're in Avengers fanfiction, I'm going to go ahead an assume you know what happens. _**

**_Also, minor reference to my other fic PopTarts. Check it out if you havent (yes, I'm THAT shameless.)_**

**_I refer to this "rule book" : shieldrecruitsurvivaltips . tumblr . com HIGHLY recommend you check it out! My tumblr is writergirl28 . tumblr . com. You know, in case you're interested._**

**_Disclaimer: Yeah. I wish I owned it. But I don't._**

Clint Barton never owned a pet.

Yes, he lived with a circus for the better part of his adolescent life, but you can't technically count elephants and lions as 'pets,' especially considering the fact that most of the time they were treated better than him.

A pet held a sense of normality; of a life he never had a chance to have. He knew his career path didn't hold much in terms of white picket fence, wife in the front yard holding a baby on one hip and an apple pie in the other, but would it be so damn hard for him to have an animal waiting for him when he got home from getting his shit blown to kingdom come?

Apparently.

(Rumor had it that there was some unwritten rule book that said no pets were allowed on the Helicarrier. Rumor had it that said rulebook also painted a picture of him being a masterful troublemaker. When he confronted Coulson, he received an eye roll of neither confirmation nor denial.)

Which is why, on the first solo mission since 'The New York Event' (_not _to be confused with 'The New Mexico Incident') he didn't mind bringing something home with him as a souvenir.

The plan was to drop his gear on the jet he would be taking to Avengers Tower that night. Natasha's birthday was that night, and he would be damned if Thor could make it all the way back from freakin' Asgard and he missed it for the first time since they became partners.

It all would have worked out perfectly, had Fury not been so damn insistent on having a debriefing _right _after he landed.

So he sulked into the conference room, set his quiver and bow on the chair beside him, and calmly and carefully tried to explain to Fury why the fact that it was not, in fact, his fault which lead to the leveling of a minor terrorist outlet in the middle of nowhere.

The debrief was going faster than he ever could have hoped. One glance at his watch as he was wrapping up told him he would be landing on the roof of the tower just in time to join in Stark's (more than likely) drunken rendition of the birthday song.

And then it all went to hell.

His quiver began to wiggle in the chair. Fury spared it a glare with his good eye before going back over the timeline. Then it happened again. This time, the glare was directed at him.

He offered a sheepish grin back and placed the quiver and the bow on the floor. Fury, seemingly satisfied, continued with his rambling. He managed to get in a few "yeps" "uh-huhs" and "of courses" before the quiver started rolling across the floor straight into the wall. A soft cry cut through the tense silence.

"Barton."

"Yes, sir?"

"What's in your quiver? And don't get cute."

He didn't get the chance. The little black kitten he picked up moments before the jet lifted squirmed her way out of the quiver and made her way over to Clint before he could play innocent. She wiggled her tiny butt, tempted to make the jump from the floor to his lap. Knowing it wouldn't be possible, he sighed and scooped her up.

"Barton."

"Yes, sir?"

"What did I tell you about strays?"

"You remind me every time I go on a mission, sir."

"Then how do explain this?"

"In my defense, I do not believe she is capable of causing me any bodily harm." At that moment, the kitten decided to give a small nibble on the inside of his thumb. Fury, the bastard, gave a smug grin as he cried out.

* * *

Turns out Natasha's birthday didn't go exactly as planned. While he was off in god knows where, the rest of the team had been sent to do a little recruiting.

(Because according to SHIELD, having a giant green rage monster might not always win the wars.)

Natasha was the only one at the tower when he got back. He found her sitting in _his _room, wearing _his _sweatshirt, sitting on _his _bed.

God bless.

"How'd it go?" She flipped a page in her magazine.

He dropped his stuff at the door, taking careful consideration with his knapsack. "I got blown up again. You?"

"I dealt with Johnny Storm again."

He winced. "Ok, you might have had it worse." She raised an eyebrow.

"He's gotten mistaken for Steve ever since the invasion. His ego is now immeasurable."

"Everybody else?"

"Jane took a tumble down some stairs in the lab. Thor pledged me his most sincere apologies and promised me another box of PopTarts as he left to go see her. Bruce and Stark are currently at Xavier's."

He let out a laugh. "You're comparing Logan and Stark's hair in your head right now aren't you?" She asked. He nodded. "Pepper promised to take a photo of them together if they didn't kill each other first."

"Rogers?"

"Visiting Peggy in Florida." He gave a sad smile. Coulson managed to track down the now elderly Peggy who was settled comfortably in a retirement home. Rogers sometimes stopped down to visit, even though the Alzheimer's had taken over and she no longer remembered him. Even Stark wouldn't make jokes about his trips, only offering to foot the bill.

To lighten the mood, he rolled so that his head ended up in her lap. She lifted her magazine and gave him an amused look. "Happy birthday."

She gave a small smile. "Thank you." Her gaze shifted to the door. "Why is your bag moving?"

"Shit," he jumped up and opened it. "I may have taken a stowaway home with me." The tiny cat jumped into his palm (holy crap she was _small_) and rode safety over to where Natasha sat. "I hope you don't mind." He looked to Natasha's face and was floored. She looked so…_soft._

"May I?" She asked, holding out her hand. He carefully passed her over.

"Careful, she's a biter," he warned. The entire flight over his tiny co-pilot nibbled on his fingers. His words fell on deaf ears, however. Natasha was too busy coddling the creature, alternating between Russian and English comforting words. It was then Clint remembered he wasn't the only one who skipped childhood.

And that he forgot to get Natasha a birthday present.

It looked like he was going to have to share his first pet.

* * *

The kitten wasn't just shared with Natasha. She was shared with the whole damn tower.

Natasha named the kitten Danielle. For a while he didn't understand, (and didn't ask), but it wasn't until a few weeks later when Fury handed him a file with the details of Coulson's death that he learned his handler's middle name. Daniel.

Danielle adjusted easily to life with the Avengers. Stark originally threw a fit, citing there was dangerous lab equipment begging to be knocked over by her, and didn't pets shed, and wasn't Rogers allergic to pets or have asthma or something?

("Maybe eighty years ago, Tony," Clint replied as he allowed Danielle onto the table to finish the rest of the milk in his cereal bowl.)

Stark eventually got over it. It may have had something to do with Pepper's love of all creatures, but no one could prove it. However it wasn't an uncommon sight to see the cat nestled up on a desk in the lab as Stark and Banner poured over something or the other.

(They both knew better to try experimenting on the cat.)

Thor, who was originally taken aback at her presence to the point that he called Mjolnir from three floors down to defend himself, got along rather well with the cat. He allowed her to sit in his lap and took a rather entertaining amount of pleasure in moving a shoestring in front of her and getting her to chase it.

"A mighty warrior she shall be!" he declared.

Three days later the first mouse showed up dead in the lab, throat slashed open. Stark, while turning pale, said she took after her two 'parents' before ordering Dummy to dispose of the body.

(Natasha gave her three treats that day. Four more mice were found the next day.)

Banner got along fine with her. It was the Other Guy who fell in love with her. During the various experiments he and Stark attempted to find a way to sedate the other guy, it just took Danielle stretching after her afternoon nap and the Hulk saying "pretty kitty" before he de-hulked while Stark watched disbelieving in the corner, his suit halfway on.

Rogers didn't arrive home from Florida until a month after Danielle had officially become a resident of the tower. Hill told them Peggy passed away while Rogers had his first dance with her.

(Pepper cried. Jane moved into the tower. Clint held Natasha a little closer that night.)

For a few days, Rogers kept mostly to himself, sitting in the living room and sketching. Danielle just came and sat by him, purring as she leaned against his side. Somehow, that offered more comfort than any of them could have offered, and in a week, Rogers lead the charge into the middle of Ubecka-wherever-the-fuck-they-were-ustan.

Several months later, when reporters got sick of their calls getting rerouted to JARVIS and the council officially embraced the Avengers, a very-much-alive Phil Coulson showed up at the front door of the main room, a pink collar in hand, Danielle rubbing against his pant leg.

"So," he said to the dumbstruck Avengers, "I hear this is a home for strays now?"

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	2. Chapter 2

_**So...another quick idea. A lot of readers requested I include another character. I hope it doesn't disappoint!**_

Tony was screwed.

He was so _so _incredibly screwed to the point that he was almost wiling to provoke Bruce into turning into The Hulkmeister, just because he didn't want to deal with Natasha and Barton.

So he may have brought Dani to the hellicarrier. He might not have asked permission.

Oh, and she might be temporarily misplaced.

Yeah, that's right. Tony Stark lost the thing closest two highly trained, highly efficient masters of death had to a child.

He was pretty much a dead man walking.

Basically, Natasha would have a first go at him. The pain would last and last but she would keep him from completely passing out. And then Barton would shoot him in each of his ball and socket joints. Bruce would repair him enough so that he wouldn't bleed to death, just because Dani managed to quell the jolly green giant better than deep breathing and counting to ten. And then Thor and Rogers would just…

Oh god. Coulson. Pepper.

Maybe he should just throw himself off the flight deck instead.

Tony began to jog down the hallway. In his defense, he really had the kitten's best interests in mind. Everyone else had been sent to South Africa for a quick mission that somehow turned into a month-long adventure. He wanted to accompany them, however duties at Stark Industries unfortunately came first. Plus, he got to spend time with Pepper alone without having Captain Morality and the Starshine gang ruining the mood.

And then her sister took a tumble down the stairs, so Tony and Dani spent plenty of quality time down in the lab and watching tape of the previous missions to see what they could improve on and being trapped in the lab after JARVIS needed to be shut down for a software upgrade and locked them in. Luckily, Thor left a box of PopTarts there the last time he came down to ask if "the archer is giving a substantial pull on one of his appendages."

(Tony didn't date ask.)

So when he left for a meeting with Fury (and by 'meeting,' what was really meant was a "let's yell, bellow, holler and otherwise just shout at Tony for the many, _many _miscellaneous things he did wrong this week,") Tony took one look at Dani's large blue eyes and scooped her up and placed her in his carry on, making her promise that she would stay by his side.

She lied.

Now, Pepper, The Living Dead, and the Brady Bunch were back at the tower, wondering where their precious kitten was, and Tony had no idea. And he was going to _die._

"Come on, Dani," Tony tried to keep his voice low. "We had some good times this month." He smiled and nodded at some recruits giving him an odd look and continued around the corner. "Remember when I let you eat some of the Hot Fudge PopTart? You really liked that one." He scanned the hallway for other people. He was alone. "I promise to give you another one if you don't let your parents kill me!"

Tony looked up to find himself standing in front of the containment center door. Loki had managed to piggyback with Thor the last time he came to Earth, so until Thor decided to return to his own realm, Loki was to stay in the control chamber, recently remodeled by himself and Bruce, with a little help from Peter Parker (promising future) and Reed Richards (the arrogant douchebag.)

Tony was too busy defacing Reed's name on the sign that he almost didn't notice the fact that the door was slightly cracked open, just wide enough for…

The door swung open, and until his dying day, Tony planned to never reveal what he witnessed. Loki sat right next to the barrier and moved his hand around the glass. Dani would sit contently for a few moments before leaping at his hand, only to be stopped. Loki would laugh, Dani would meow, and then the process started all over again.

Hell no.

"What do you think you're doing?!" Tony stormed in and grabbed Dani.

Loki seemed taken aback. "I was just entertaining the little rodent."

"She isn't a rodent, Dennis the Menace," Loki cocked his head to the side, missing the reference. Tony didn't stop, "She's my cat."

Loki looked confused. "She's rather intellectually challenged for a robot."

"Don't you dare say that again," Tony threatened, "or I swear to Thor I will not hesitate to drop you." With that, Tony turned on his heel and left.

Coulson was waiting for him as soon as he excited the room. Tony hastily hid Dani behind his back. "Hey Philly what's up?"

"Your jets waiting for you on deck."

"Oh, awesome." Coulson raised an eyebrow before signaling for Tony to turn around. Instead, Tony sighed and brought Dani in front of him.

"Hello there." Coulson reached into his pocket and brought out a treat. "What's Uncle Tony thinking bringing you on board?" Dani gobbled up the treat before Coulson turned to Tony. "Next time, keep her out of the containment center."

"Yes, sir!" Tony gave a mock salute and headed down the hall.

"Oh, and Mr. Stark, Agent Romanoff installed had Doctor Banner install a tracker in her collar," Tony's steps ceased. "She would like to speak with you once you land in New York."

_**Leave a review! :)**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Next installment! I figure I will just keep the story marked as "Complete" as these are all stand alones, so the story will "end" when I run out of ideas. Which may be soon, seeing as this chapter is a little..out there.**_

_**Read and review please! :)**_

Bruce rubbed his forehead. He hated city traffic. "Clint, you need to calm down."

"Calm down?! Dani's sick and you want me to calm down?" Bruce held the phone away from his ear. Sometimes, Barton was dramatic enough for both he and Natasha.

"I'm on my way, alright? I'm stuck on 8th." As he had been for the past half an hour. What he wouldn't give to have the little motorbike, however it was unfortunately destroyed during the New York incident. Once he brought Carl Johnson into work for SHIELD's security after the lovely pep talk he gave, Bruce apologized profusely. Old Man Johnson shrugged and tried to convince Bruce to come over for dinner to meet his lovely granddaughter.

If Clint kept up the dramatics, maybe Bruce would take him up on the offer. He'd get married, move out of the tower, and then Tony would hunt him down and lure him back with promises of science.

"Are you even listening to me!?' Clint screeched. Bruce almost laughed out loud. Rogers made the connection first, that when Clint yelled, he sounded exactly like a hawk. Natasha smirked, and the three kept it a secret in hopes of avoiding another "caw caw, motherfucker" incident. Good Lord, that was still dragging on.

"Dani hasn't been eating, Clint. I've been listening." Bruce drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. "Maybe she's been finding mice lately." Even saying that made Bruce uneasy. Since bringing Dani into the tower, Tony became highly aware the basement levels of the tower were home to a lovely family of rodents. Due to the fact that Natasha almost tore his head off when Tony suggested testing on them, they were left alone for Dani to terminate.

"Nah, Doc. She's just laying around on my room. She almost threw up on Nat- MY pillow." For a master assassin, Clint wasn't always the best at keeping things secret. "What is taking you so long?"

"Traffic."

"Can't you just Hulk-it-up a bit and get over here?" Bruce smirked.

"Yeah, because the council would _love _that, Clint."

"What if Loki did something to her when she was on the Hellicarrier?" Clint continued. "I will honestly kill him. And Stark."

"Stark hasn't left the lab in three weeks out of fear that Natasha's going to maim him, Clint. And besides, Loki's cage dissolves his magic."

"Well then what the hell is going on with my girl!?"

'Finally,' Bruce thought to himself as the car in front of him started moving. "I will tell you when I get there, alright?"

* * *

Clint stood outside the elevator doors. "What took you so long?"

"Tony took up all the parking spaces again," Bruce explained. "Now where is she?"

"I don't know," Clint ran his fingers through his hair. "She wasn't in my bed, she wasn't in Nat's room, I don't know!"

"JARVIS!" Bruce called out.

"Yes, Doctor Banner?"

"Where does Dani's collar put her right now?"

"She seems to be in Mr. Barton's closet, sirs." Bruce glared at Clint as they took off running down the hall.

"You didn't check your closet?"

"I panicked!"

"You're a spy!"

"You try having a child!"

"I live with them!" Bruce grumbled. Clint swiped his key card and the two raced into the room. Clint got his hand on the knob first but Bruce reached out to stop him before he could pull the door off its hinges. "Careful. Don't spook her."

Clint nodded and slowly opened the door. Bruce peered inside and groaned. Sometimes, Clint could be rather dense. "What is it, Doc?"

"Did anyone ever explain the concept of the birds and the bees to you, Clint?"

* * *

Seven healthy kittens joined the family. Natasha came home from a mission to find her favorite leather jacket ruined, but once she let Clint breathe long enough to explain the story, she instantly melted and asked Bruce if there was anything he needed help with.

Tony and Pepper arrived home from their honeymoon a month later to find Dani curled up on the futon in the shop nursing the kittens. This led to a very long-time-coming conversation about kids between the two adults, the outcome of which was still not public knowledge.

Once the kittens were old enough, Tony, Clint and Natasha had a conversation in which they (calmly) determined that while keeping one cat at the tower was fine, to have seven tiny ones wouldn't be safe. Natasha (once again, calmly) agreed to put the kittens up for adoption, on the condition they went to homes of friends. Tony was too scared to disagree.

Peter Parker came by the tower one day for his "internship" (see: screwing around in the lab with Tony and Bruce and getting college credit for it) and ended up walking out with two kittens, one for his aunt and the other for Gwen.

Steve, while blushing and stammering, explained he needed one that was not for him, only for Darcy to call Natasha gushing on how absolutely adorable her new kitten was!

("Can you develop a serum so that he isn't so awkward talking about girls?" She asked Tony one day. Apparently he and Bruce were in the final testing stages.)

Fury took one. No one dared on the team dared to comment when they went into debriefing to find Fury sitting at the end of the table stroking the cat.

Coulson and Maria ended up bringing home one each. Even though Coulson spent most of his time at work, Clint got him to admit it was nice having someone there when he went home.

(When Tony heard this story, he told Pepper to start combing the database of SI employees for someone suitable for Coulson to date. She (not so) respectfully declined, citing that "Phil did well enough on his own.")

Maria Hill almost didn't take one home, until she noticed that one with white paws reminded her of her childhood pet "Mittens."

Which left only one.

* * *

As everyone gathered for breakfast one morning, the tower shook, announcing Thor's return to Earth.

"Greetings friends!" he bellowed as he entered the kitchen. "I have returned from my home to my home."

"Hey, buddy," Tony greeted as he poured a cup of coffee before handing Thor the pot. "How's daddy dearest?"

"Odin was none to pleased to hear of Loki's latest journeys," Thor explained before gulping down the pot and handing it back to Tony. "He has been imprisoned again."

"Sorry," Steve said. Somehow, he still managed to be sympathetic to the god who tore up Manhattan.

"It is alright!" Thor proclaimed. "For now I am back with my lovely warriors," he popped Clint in the shoulder and almost sent him into agony. "And now I must go find a present for my lovely lady Jane."

Clint looked to Tony who glanced at Steve who looked at Bruce who turned to Natasha who was already scooping the last kitten off the floor. "Here you go, Thor," she handed him the kitten. "Dani gave birth two weeks ago and we've been trying to find homes for all of them."

"Jane will be very pleased!" Thor proclaimed. "I did not even know little Danielle was with children."

Steve shook his head. "That's the one thing I can't figure out either."

Tony set his cup on the counter. "Well, Steve, and a mommy cat and a daddy cat tolerate each other very much…"

Steve glared at him. "I got that part Tony. I just don't know where she found a tom cat."

"Well, the average gestation period for a cat is between 60 and 70 days," Bruce explained. "So count back four months."

Tony thought about it before giving up and cheating. "JARVIS?"

"Mission in Kosovo, Miss Potts visiting her sister, and, to quote, "Weekly Bitchfest with Fury on the Hellicarrier" for you, sir."

Thor grimaced and marched out of the room. "I will have words with my brother."

Everyone looked at the door in disbelief for a few seconds before Steve spoke. "Someone please tell me that is not possible."

"There is a legend about Loki giving birth to a horse, sir." JARVIS spoke up.

More silence followed before Tony finally spoke. "I vote we call it an immaculate conception and move on."

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	4. Chapter 4

**Well, it's Steve turn for some quality time with Dani. I didn't manage to get in any great lines quite like immaculate conception, but I hope you enjoy it all the same! **

* * *

Steve stood in one of the smallest rooms of the tower, holding Dani tight against his chest while trying to not hurt her. She was as terrified as he was, not that he would admit it to Tony or the rest of the team. He eyed the set up in front of him as Dani let out what could only be described as a small wail. Steve shut his eyes and scratched her between the ears, her favorite spot.

"I don't like this anymore than you do," he murmured as he shut the door. "But maybe if you would learn to stay out of trouble, this wouldn't have to happen."

* * *

_It all started the morning Steve, Tony, Dr. Banner and Thor were all seated around the kitchen table. Clint was somewhere in Europe for the week on a small solo mission for Fury while Pepper was running errands with Darcy and Jane in the city. Tony and Dr. Banner were discussing different tests to run on Steve to test his tolerance to different types of alcohol when Natasha's shriek echoed through the tower, causing all the men to jolt._

"The Widow sounds distressed," Thor said. Steve shook his head. Sometimes he wasn't the only one who stated the obvious.

"_Sir, it appears Miss Romanova is looking for you," JARVIS announced in his usual calm demeanor. _

"_Run," Dr. Banner muttered without looking up from his paper. Tony shot out of his chair and made a run for the elevator, only to find Natasha standing there, holding Dani away from her body toward Tony. Steve didn't think he'd ever seen her look so terrifying, and he had seen her at some pretty bad times._

_Tony swallowed before speaking. "Hey, Natasha. Might I say you look rather beautiful when you're homicidal?"_

"_Stark." _

"_Yes, dear?"_

"_What is this?" Natasha pointed on a collection of what could only be described as blue goo sticking to the fur on Dani's paw. The cat kept trying to turn to lick it, but Natasha wouldn't let her._

"_Oh that?" Tony ran his fingers through his hair. "It's an anti-aging cream Banner and I are developing for Clint. He's getting those crinkles around his eyes and he can't keep passing for someone who could get you…" Steve's eyes widened as Tony trailed off. When the man was digging himself a hole, he skipped the shovel entirely and just went for the drill._

_Natasha took two steps forward, her heels the only audible sound in the room. Steve couldn't be sure, but he thought even Thor seemed terrified. Natasha held Dani out to Tony. Eyeing the animal as if she might be rigged to explode, Tony accepted her gently._

"_Give her a bath." Natasha said. Without giving Tony time to respond, she turned on her heel and left the room._

_Steve, Dr. Banner and Thor spent the next few hours on the couch, watching Tony attempt to give Dani a bath. When Clint arrived at the tower a few days later, the video already had seven million views on YouTube, and the scratches on Tony's chest had almost completely healed._

* * *

Since that day, Dani grown even more fascinated with the lab, and made every attempt to get into things Tony and Dr. Banner would rather she not. Soon, giving Dani a bath became a regular occurrence. Steve was the only one who hadn't had the misfortune of doing so, but the time had come.

Luckily, it wasn't the lab Dani had gotten into, but Steve's peanut butter and jelly sandwich (he should have taken JARVIS up on the offer to make him something. He probably wouldn't be in this situation) Tony and Pepper were in DC where she was visiting some of the doctors helping with removing the Extremis virus from her body. Clint and Natasha were both at the Hellicarrier, Dr. Banner was at a medical conference in Scotland, while Thor just so happened to be in Asgard.

Dani tried to make a run for somewhere, anywhere in the room that she could hide once JARVIS started running the water, but Steve held her tightly. He didn't like it anymore than she did.

"The water is at optimum temperature, Captain Rogers," JARVIS announced. "Best of luck, Sir."

"Thanks, JARVIS." Even the AI was abandoning him.

Steve stepped toward the tub, only to have Dani fight him more. He sighed, but he knew how she felt. When he was younger, his mom almost had to throw him into the tub in order to get him to bathe. To calm him down, she would sing to him.

Figuring it was worth a shot, Steve started to do the same. It wasn't the same song his mother sang to him, but one he felt was more appropriate to the situation. It was from one of the TV shows Tony made him watch to get accustomed to present times. Dani relaxed instantly, so Steve kept singing the same six lines until they left the bathroom.

* * *

Tony howled in laughter as he and Pepper walked to the car.

"Something humorous, Mr. Stark?" she asked with a cocked eyebrow.

Tony handed her his phone. "JARVIS sent this to me. Steve had to give Dani a bath."

Pepper held the phone up to her ear, trying to hear the meows, but instead, all she heard was Steve's voice.

"Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur…."

Pepper's eyes widened as she listened to him repeat the lines over and over. "Tony, did you…?"

"It's gotten 12 million views in half an hour, Pep."


End file.
